March 30, 2017   Benjamin Harter

From the April 2005 issue of 48° North

NOAA Weather Center, Seattle, WA. Seattle’s freak sunny winter has finally been explained by NASA scientists.  Reminiscent of an old “Twilight Zone episode, all of King County, Washington, has been physically swapped with Los Angeles County, California.  People, buildings, streets, everything was picked up and moved.

“It’s those wacky Alien Overlords again”, according to Dr. Lloyd B. Danged of NASA’s Jet Propulsion Laboratories.  “We don’t know what they’re up to, but this is just the sort of thing they like to do”.

The Bush administration has officially denied the existence of the Alien Overlords, but the Office of Homeland Security said, “Well, when it comes to Alien Overlords we can either be afraid or be ready. We should be ready”.  The threat of Alien Overlord activity was raised from indigo to puce in response to the inter-dimensional swapping of West Coast communities.

Secretary of State Condoleezza  Rice said in a recent press conference that, “We’ve got people in the field gathering information regarding any alleged ‘overlord’ conspiracies, but our preliminary reports indicate that if any activities did indeed happen it’s all the fault of a certain European country.”

Dr. Danged reported that the launch of the newly renovated Shuttle had to be delayed because the MP3 player aboard was zapped by alien rays.  “This overt use of inter-dimensional transport beams pretty much wipes out any secrecy that surrounded the existence of the Overlords”, said Danged.

Local sailboat racing officials had contacted NASA to check into things when the standard race course off of Golden Gardens seemed out of whack.   The breakwater outside of Shilshole seemed way too long, and the old Queen Mary cruise ship suddenly appeared where the sea lion cage used to be.  Also sailors cruising across the Sound towards Port Madison found themselves making landfall in Honolulu after what seemed like an usually long passage.

Meanwhile, the residents of “Los Angeles” woke up in the Puget Sound Convergence Zone buffeted by the kind of weird weather conditions that makes residents of Snohomish County the way they are.

Los Angeles mayor James Hahn cried, “There’s water everywhere!  It keeps falling out of the sky!  It’s kind of like smog, but it’s much wetter.”

LA drivers are slowly beginning to adapt to the new conditions.   They’ve recently been seen sliding sideways at high speeds, colliding with each other on the wet freeways just like Seattle drivers used to.

And down south in the new Seattle, people are learning to deal with continuous sunny weather.  The thick smog has dimmed the annoyingly bright daylight some, and the acres of dead trees have left a lot more room for new Blockbusters and Target stores.

– Little Green Guido